A WONDERFUL HUMOROUS PRESENT FROM A DEAR ADMIRER !!!

"WINK EYE"

THANK YOU FRANCIS !!!

THE PERFECT MAN

A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read:

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE. MUST HAVE THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP

2. WON'T RUN AWAY

3. MUST BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, and she received tons of mail, all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day, the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?" "Hi," said the man. "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up. I've got no legs, so I can't run away." The lonely widow asked, "Well, what makes you think you're so great in bed?" To which he replied,"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Contributed by my "crackpot" friend, Christy

Some Things That Have Been Said To Me That I Think Are Hilarious

My daughter and I were in the car going on a drive to New Mexico. We were tired, hungry and kind of bickering with each other. Pulled up to a fast food drive up place to order and I was asking , "How fresh is your coffee? When was it last made?" My daughter who was exasperated with my pickiness blurted out "Mom, you are so Lame!" I just turned, looked at her and burst out laughing hysterically.

Another Funny True

Story !!!

I was on a motorcycle run and our stopping place for the night was a great little place in Troy, Montana. All of the bikes are parked and locked down for the night. I was crutching up the entry steps to the Saloon and a good looking leather clad man was sitting on the steps drinking a beer. He looked up at me and said, "Honey, can I lend you a hand?" Instantly the words tumbled out of my mouth. "No thanks, I need a leg."

Ilean with 'Marilyn Monroe' Cow

At the ACA Conference in Kansas City - June 2001

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